Forced to be contemplative
M. Alan
Had an accident on my pushbike 3 weeks ago (actually shortly before my 50th birthday, rather unexpected birthday present!). Had a heavy unbalanced rucksack, was going downhill, pulled out my mobile phone, went off balance and came off my bike, breaking my arm near the shoulder. So i couldn't use my right arm, and the pain when i moved it was excruciating for a few days. They put it in a sling but not a caste because i have to have the mobility of the shoulder joint so it will heal properly. Anyway it's a lot better now but my arm will still be out of commission for another month or so. This is the first time i've been on line since the accident. i deliberately stayed away from the internet because i just wanted to be in the moment, not get caught up in head trips etc. For the first week or so i just stayed at home because it was too painful to move much (because if my arm moved it was very painful), couldn't sleep properly, etc. Now that it's mending there's much less pain and i can lie down whereas before i could only sleep sitting up. It's amazing how the human body can heal itself. And it's given me a new level of empathy that i never had before. e.g. i was reading extracts of U.S. Republican canditate John McCain's book Faith of our Fathers and how he was captured by the Vietnamese when his plane was shot down, and when he spoke about what he went through i could have some idea (although his suffering w as far far worse mine because he had more injuries and was in a filthy shack and not given proper medical treatment). So i thought wow, what this guy went through...Maybe i have a totally different ideology and politics and all the rest, but i could empathise in a way that would have been impossible before. It's the same elsewhere where people go through great suffering. Because you don't really realise what pain is unless you've experienced it, that is the only way one can empathise. Likewise grief and loss; you can't know what others feel if you haven't yoursef felt it as well.
Then you consider the animal kingdom and all the rest; there is so much pain and grief and suffering on this one small planet; it must be because, as The Mother says, it is a special place where things are concentrated for the purpose of Transformation
One effect of the accident has been to disrupt my previous tenious attempts at meditation. At first I had to take painkillers and that really stuffed my concentration. Then afterwards i couldn't focus even when i didnt take painkillers, because i wasn't getting enough sleep. So i reverted back to the old distracted monkey mind, all i did was read newspapers, watch TV, sit around etc. All of which only accentuated the boredom and frustration. Anyway the accident has forced me to sit around, with each day dragging on, and each week seeming like a month or even a year. My only escape was when i would sometimes go for a walk (and even then not too far because my arm and shoulder would ache). So I'm only now getting back into meditation.
All this seems to be part of an ongoing series of events for me that began in January, which are motivating me to really be serious about my sadhana. So it's forced me to be contemplative, but in a non-meditative way; in the sense of being really hurled into a restrictive situation, being immersed in that, going throught it, living through that, in order to understand what others less fortunate than I have to go through
It goes without saying that I can't wait to be up and about again. At present I can't write much because i still only have complete use of my left arm (i can use my right hand but not too much) , can't ride a bike, can't drive etc. So i will truly value things, and also be much more motivated (ok i was motivated before but i'll be even more motivated)
Access: Public
accident
April 2008
Alan, oh dear, sorry to hear about your accident. A warning to all bike drivers among us to keep our cell phones out of reach while riding our bikes! ;) I enjoyed reading your thoughts on empathy and meditation. Yes, very true, having been there helps a lot when it comes to feeling with our fellow creatures… I had to learn that 'the hard way' quite a bit… but today I'm grateful for having gone through my share of painful stuff (so far) which opened me to feel for others on deeper levels.
I go visiting a woman regularly who is confined to bed with cancer. There is not much left she is able to do by herself, and no looking forward to 'getting 'better' in any way, health wise. It's a humbling experience to be with her. Each time I visit her I feel so strongly how many things I take for granted.
Being able to move around, ride my bike, go shopping, go to yoga classes, eat in restaurants, meeting with friends… the list is endless.
Your post inspires me to remain present and not to forget so soon after my visits… how good life is right now, and that we never know when life is going to change, one way or another.
What I'm wishing for has changed, I just notice. I have been wishing for many years to become able to be with whatever occurs, and looking back I see, my wish has been granted. (I'm not always receiving the challenges life presents me with smiles and grace, but hey, nobody's perfect! ;)
What I'm wishing for now seems so totally out of reach that it feels almost too much to ask for: I wish to be able to meet with acceptance whatever it is that life brings to me. Whatever. To find that 'yes' in me. To let go of my judgment and wanting things different and feeling sorry for myself and blaming and the whole program.
I'm not sure whether this is still about what you wrote, but it certainly is what your post has inspired me to think about. Thank you very much, Alan! Sending you lots of love and best wishes for your healing process - seems to be a fruitful one!
:)
Hi Alan,
Sounds like a painfull episode! I hope that it will heal fast and well.
Your story about your sadhana sounds good.
Wish you well!
Marko
Alan, my old whatsit!!
I am sorry to hear about your unfortunate event.I hope you will be revving up to go back on the old internet. In spiritual matters it is important to have balance. Too much meditation, and too much surfing can do us all harm! Take the Middle Path…that is always best as I am sure you know……
Long while ago I was nearly killed by a van. Fortunately, it only ran over my right foot but it pulled my muscles, and caused great pain. However, I am a great believer in the body in healing itself if possible, and hence, I never took it to the doctor for it to be checked (even though someone in ambulance nearby asked whether I wanted it seen to at the time of the incident!!!). …….
….and I never did take any painkillers though my poor foot could be an absolute bastard! Ofcourse, it has totally healed up now, and I move round without any problems….touchwood!These things are sent to try us! Yet, they can be beneficial especially if they actually push us in the right direction(s) in life.
So, as I always say..Keep the Flag Flying.
Robert Searle.
Alan, sorry to hear about your accident. I've been thinking about you and missing you, and hope you feel better soon. It's inspiring that you're able to take it all in such a positive way and try to get the best out of it without complaining or whining! You're right – all these things help us value life and existence even more, and teach us inner equality.
I'm busy with work at school, but otherwise things are fine. Had some good conversations with Ulrich Mohrhoff (maybe when you get time you might want to look at his reviews of some of the Intelligent Design books – he tries to separate the wheat from the chaff).
Anyway I am sure you will be as good as new soon, and back with a bang! ;-) I'm sending prayers and blessings for your healing. :-) Take care!
Thanks everyone for your comments! :-) Rather than reply here I posted a new blog, inspired by an interesting meditation I had this morning.
Bob - wow; I don't think I am as brave as you! But thanks for that anecdote; yes the ability of the human body to heal itself is amazing. Your own experience and its positive outcome will certainly give me something to think about as I wait for my own arm to slowly return to normal